Let's Talk About Your Ex.

Everyone has one...but your date doesn't want to hear about yours. Talking about your ex can only work against you. If you speak poorly about them, it can be off-putting and make you seem negative. If you speak too highly of them, your It's Just Lunch date might wonder if you are really ready to move on. Either way, it takes the conversation in a direction that isn't going to help your chances of getting a second date.

I wholeheartedly believe that you should share your past with the person you are beginning a future with. I have just seen so many great dates go bad just because exes come into the conversation. Don't give your ex the power to ruin your new relationship before it even begins! If your date brings it up, be honest but don't spend too much time on it. Put your best foot forward and move on to more positive subjects...what is she passionate about? Where would he like to travel in the future?

People are drawn to a positive mentality. Keep the questions coming and find out what you have in common. If things go well, there will be plenty of other time to discuss your dating history along with every other detail!

Krista White

To Date or Not to Date; It’s Just Lunch Metro DC Dating Best Practices

When your It's Just Lunch personal account rep calls to tell you about a new match, it is our nature and can be tempting to reject the person if you hear a few details that don’t quite fit what you’re looking for.  If you prefer a man that’s at least 6’ tall, or if you only want to date women who live in metropolitan DC, rejecting a match who is only 5’9” or who lives in Alexandria might seem like an easy way to narrow the pool of potential matches to focus on just what you want.  But don’t give in to temptation! 

Many people get stuck in a dating rutt and continue to re-live their negative dating patterns over and over again.  Like any great matchmaker should, your director and personal account rep at It’s Just Lunch Metro DC will occasionally ask you to “flex” to introduce you to matches that may not quite fit your original parameters in order to bring you together with a truly wonderful person.  And, like any good matchmaker should, we may push you a little outside your boundaries in order to help you find someone truly exceptional!  If your matchmaker or personal account rep contacts you with a match that sounds just a little different from what you’re used to, keep in mind that true compatibility can come in surprising packages. We see it happen all of the time!

Remember, stepping outside of your comfort zone is one reason why you joined It’s Just Lunch.  We’ve been making matches for over 25 years. Keep an open mind, and trust that we have your happiness as our first priority! You won’t regret that you did, and after all It’s Just Lunch!

Krista White

Real Feedback from It's Just Lunch DC Daters; Straight From the Dater's Lips

“She must have had something really important going on because she was on her cell phone the whole time.  I felt like it was her escape plan in case I turned out to be a dud.”

It seems everyone must be connected to the world at all times! When you are meeting someone for the first time they really deserve your undivided attention. So put that Blackberry or iPhone in your purse or pocket and give your date the respect they deserve. You could be missing out on a very special person while keeping “connected.”  Remember why you are with us. You have to make your date, your love life a priority.  A commitment to your dating life in DC is a commitment to your own future!

Feedback-Straight From the Daters Lips; Its Just Lunch DC

“She barely smiled.”

Sure, we all want to make a great first impression. But sometimes that can backfire. By being what you think someone is looking for you are keeping them from seeing the real (and great) you!  Relax and be yourself. Let them see that great sense of humor you have.  You shouldn’t feel you have to “walk on eggshells” around someone the first time you meet them. You want to convey your personality to your It's Just Lunch date.  

Real Client Feedback- Straight From Our Daters Lips; It's Just Lunch

“He couldn’t have been interested, he never looked me in the eye.”

We at It's Just Lunch DC all know eye contact is important but some of us may be uncomfortable doing it.  I’ve found it’s something you can work on and improve.  Make an effort to really look at people when they speak to you, even if it’s just the waiter taking your order or a sales associate ringing up your purchases. With practice it can become the norm. While you don’t want to stare at your date you’ll want to make sure that your eyes meet periodically.  

Krista White

Straight From The Dater’s Lips; Its Just Lunch Dating in DC Best Practices

Over my next few blogs I’d like to discuss a few things I’ve heard in feedback.

“It’s a date, not an interview!”

Yes, you want to learn more about the person you’ve just met. We at IJL have given you just a few facts about that person.  But remember, it’s a date, not an interview! No one wants to spend an hour (or longer) getting “just the facts” or feeling like they are being “grilled.”  Try instead to have a casual discussion. You cannot get to know someone by putting them on the defense as their actions and reactions will differ from the norm in this type of climate.  Sure, ask questions but make them “open ended” not “yes/no”. Instead of “Do you like to travel”, maybe ask “What has been your favorite place to visit and what made it so special?” This will help ease any tension and allow you both to learn about each other in a safe space.  Make sure you enjoy your time, even if this particular date does not turn out to be "The One" remember Its Just Lunch!

Krista White

How To Interact on a Date; Its Just Lunch Dating Best Practices

Have you ever sat across from someone on a first date and wondered whether the other person was as interested in you as you are in them?  Here are some clues for projecting your most positive self to catch the eye of someone you're interested in:

Men are attracted to women who are smart, confident, witty, passionate, and good conversationalists. Women who smile and laugh a lot and maintain good eye contact during a conversation are big turn-ons for men!

For women, men who communicate well, have a great sense of humor, and are intelligent are extremely attractive! Self-confidence goes a long way towards gaining a woman's interest, and good manners, and attentive listening win a man major points as well.

For both men and women, striking a good balance between talking and listening is critical for establishing a good rapport that can lead to good chemistry. Try to develop a rhythm in which you ask one question of your date for each question they ask you. And make sure you LISTEN to the response--you can learn tons about a potential mate that way!

So Who Get’s The Check?; It’s Just Lunch Metro DC Dating Best Practices

 When you're on an It's Just Lunch date, it's our policy that you split the check with your date so that each person pays for their own food and/or drinks. The reason for this is to eliminate the pressure for both parties: ladies, you don't have to feel obligated to agree to a second date because he paid for the first one, and gentlemen, you don't have to feel obligated to pick up the check in order to seem like a nice guy!

This frees both of you up to simply gauge the merits of the other person based on your interaction. If you have a second, third, or more dates, the general rule is that whoever does the asking foots the bill. 

Guys, if you ask her out for dinner, you pick up the check. Ladies, if you invite him to the theater, you get the tickets. For your first date, however, focus on whether you had a good conversation, if you had things in common, and if you found your date attractive rather than whether they left a good tip!

What do you think?

Krista White

Feedback Really IS Crucial; It’s Just Lunch Metro DC Dating Best Practices

I have to tell you, it really IS important and helpful to both It’s Just Lunch Metro DC staff and our clients to get feedback as soon as possible after a date.  When we discuss how the date went soon after it takes place, the clients’ memories and impressions of the event are still very fresh, so we get a very clear idea of whether it was a great date!  Here are some tips for giving feedback that will help your director and coordinators to make great matches for you: 

1. Tell us how long you spent on the date.  That gives us an idea of whether your personalities meshed. Attraction aside, if you can talk to someone for 3-4 hrs, that’s usually a good sign.
2.  How compatible did you feel with your date?  Did you have lots in common, or did you struggle to find things to talk about?  Did the conversation flow easily or were there awkward silences?
3. Did you feel any chemistry?  If you did, make sure you let us know!  A feeling of attraction to your date’s physical appearance or personality helps us tremendously in finding you more matches like that!
4. The digits—did you get them? If you exchanged phone numbers or email addresses with your date, please let us know if you plan to contact them for a second date. Very often, a so-so first meeting can become a dynamite connection once nerves have worn off and both people have demonstrated their interest by planning a second date!
5. Trust your instincts when it comes to assessing whether a date went well.  We won’t tell your date the feedback you give us, nor would we tell you what feedback they gave.  Our goal is to use your feedback to help find you better and better matches—unless your feedback is that we’ve found you The One!

Krista White

Dating in 2011 ; It’s Just Lunch Dc Dating Best Practices

As an Its Just Lunch Metro DC matchmaker, I was recently asked if women actually took the initiative and gave their card out even if the guy didn’t offer his first.  Sure! It’s 2011 and a lot of the “old” rules don’t apply any longer. 

If you consider yourself “old fashioned” and aren’t sure how to go about letting him know you’re interested you may want to consider keeping it casual!

Try:  “Here’s my number.  Let’s meet up for coffee.” Or something like “Give me a call if you want to check out that exhibit at the Smithsonian we discussed.” “How about meeting up at the dog park on Sunday?”  Remember, no strings, just a friendly meeting!

And don’t worry if he doesn’t seem as interested or doesn’t extend his business card as well. Maybe he’s the shy type.  Maybe they think you don’t find them as interesting as they found you. By letting them know you are interested in seeing them again maybe you’ll give them the confidence to give you a call.  

Krista White

The Sparks;It’s Just Lunch Dating Best Practices

The idea of an It's Just Lunch "date" is a bit of a misnomer.  While we always hope for our clients to experience a romantic spark when they first meet, in our experience we have found that establishing chemistry sometimes doesn't happen until a second or third date.

For that reason, I like to think of the meetings we coordinate as "introductions"--call them "Date Zero". The purpose of Date Zero is not to determine whether the person you're meeting is someone you'd like to sleep with or someday marry. It's to determine whether they are someone you ever want to see or speak to again! It's not unlike being introduced to someone through a mutual friend: if you attend a barbecue at your neighbor's house, and your neighbor says, "Hey Mary, this is Steve. I really wanted you two to meet because he's crazy about skiing just like you, and goes to Europe pretty often-didn't say you backpacked through there for a year?" If Mary and Steve chat for a few minutes and both feel interested enough to exchange phone numbers to meet on their own, great! If not, they can politely part ways and see what other eligible singles are hanging out by the grill.

While the hope might be for a romantic development, the goal is simply to bring together two like-minded people that might enjoy each other's company.  The next time you head out for your It's Just Lunch date, think of it as Date Zero--you've lost nothing in meeting someone new that you might really like, and you have everything to gain if you both want to get to Date One!

Krista White

Where's My Date? ; It’s Just Lunch Dating Best Practices

You've arrived at the restaurant, maybe even a few minutes early for your It’s Just Lunch date, and checked in with the hostess. She informs you that your date has not yet checked in, but she will notify you when s/he arrives. So, you wait.. and wait... and wait. What's going on?

Your date might be running a bit late. Depending on the time of day your date is scheduled for and where it is located, your date may be caught in traffic or having difficulty finding parking, especially in popular locations in the DC metro area.

If your date is running late, please keep the following in mind:

-It's not a slight against you! There is no reason for someone who has not yet met you to be deliberately late to meet you. Anyone can be late for a date for many reasons, including work or family emergencies. Please be patient, and consider how you would want your date to react if you were running late for a legitimate reason. Don't hold being late against them as a character flaw--anyone who's been caught in Friday evening traffic in DC deserves a pass!

Krista White

DC Dating Diva

First Impressions; It’s Just Lunch Washington Dating Best Practices

There is an old saying that "you don't get a second chance to make a first impression." Nowhere is that statement more true than in the world of dating! It's important that you use the brief window of opportunity that an It's Just Lunch date provides to put your best face forward. Here are a few tips to make sure that your date gets to experience the best of what you have to offer:

Be on Time! For some, showing up late to a date is a sign of disrespect or disinterest. While last-minute emergencies and monstrous traffic can happen to anyone, it's important to arrive to your dates on time. If you can't avoid being late, make sure you call the restaurant and have them give the message to your date--it shows thoughtfulness to let them know you're on your way!

Dress to Impress! It's Just Lunch is a service for professionals, and, although we wouldn't expect you to show up to Sunday brunch in a suit and tie or a cocktail dress, what you wear does matter. We advise our clients to adhere to a "business casual" dress code to ensure that no one is over- or underdressed for the occasion. Showing up to a date in a flattering outfit can only improve your odds of sparking someone's interest!

 

Keep it Light & Breezy Most people know that they should avoid the trifecta of "conversation killers"--sex, politics, and religion--when meeting new people. In a first-date situation, we have to add in exes, money, and future plans. Talking about an ex can kill a conversation because what starts as a simple explanation of why things didn't work out can turn into a bashing session that makes your date wonder if you're really ready to meet someone new! It's easier to simply say that things didn't work out, and that you've moved on.

Discussing money on a first date can convey the impression that you're materialistic. Save the net worth talk for when you're serious enough to consider merging your finances!

Finally, while it might seem like asking someone whether they want to get married and have children is a reasonable way to determine whether they are a good fit, don't do it!

On a first date you don't yet know whether this is someone you even want to spend the day with, let alone the rest of your life! Focus the conversation on determining whether your date is someone whose company you enjoy enough to want to have another date with, and take it one date at a time.

Happy Dating in DC!

Krista White

DC Dating Diva